This blog post is not an answer to a question from someone but instead, me sharing my feelings about a recent change in my life. Several years ago, I found myself a single Mom of two with a 6 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. Having never lived on my own before (went from living with Mom and Dad to being married), I found the prospect of being on my own both exciting and scary. I'll never forget the first weekend that my ex husband took the two kids for an entire weekend and suddenly, I found myself all alone with too much time on my hands and incredibly lonely. I didn't like the feeling at all and had a hard time adjusting. A good friend of mine told me that I would have to learn to be lonely before I could learn to be alone. "What the hell did that mean," I thought to myself but she was right. When you go from having a full house to having empty silence, you do have to learn to be lonely before you can learn to be and embrace being alone. It took a while, but I think I finally got through it and got to the point where I actually looked forward to being alone and having some much needed alone time in my li
fe. It wasn't long before another lonely women (Diane) moved across the street and we quickly became friends and filled our alone time by spending time together. We were very compatible and she helped me through the death of my parents while I helped her through the breakup of her 7 year relationship with an out of state boyfriend. Fast forward to September, 2008 and once again, I am experiencing some of those same feelings. My kids are now 24 and 20 and although my son has lived away from home for a little over a year now, my daughter just moved out 4 weeks ago. At first I thought I was going to love all this extra time I would have because I wouldn't be a parent or a dog owner on a day to day basis, but alas, I find myself with the same feelings I had so many years ago. I no longer look foward to coming home from work, I dread the Thursday nights when my husband heads to the cottage without me because he works 4 days a week and I work 5 days. I went from having a little 7 lb black Chihuahua g
reet me at the door 7 days a week with puppy kisses to having her greet me at the door only one night a week... never thought I could fall so in love with a dog but I sure have. And of course for the most part, I only see my daughter one night a week instead of several and that is taking some time to get use to as well. Don't get me wrong, I miss my son too since he moved out but it is a different bond between a mother and a daughter then with a son. I'm close with both of my kids and have a wonderful open line of communication with both of them but there is definitely a very special connection between my daughter and I, a connection that I am really missing these past weeks. I'm already feeling like I want to sell this house that is far too big for the two of us now and far too big for when it's just me which seems to be a lot lately. I long to be in something smaller and something closer to other people, instead of living in the country far away from the neighbors. I want to be able to sit on my porch and wave to someone walking by or yell over to a neighbor and say hi. You can't do that in the country. I feel like if maybe I lived in the city, I would see my friends more, work out more, maybe taking the photography class I've been wanting to take. And of course, hunting season is around the corner and any of you who know me well, know that I have a husband who is devoted hunter and that isn't something I would change about him. I knew that when I married him and have long ago accepted it. BUT, the thought of hunting season this year doesn't thrill me when I think about the two weeks he'll be gone to the cottage for hunting while I'll be coming home to an empty home in the country and the several 2-1/2 months of weekends he'll be up north hunting as well. You would think with all this extra time that I would be doing all sorts of projects and spending time with my friends but because I live at least 25 miles from all but one friend, and I have a very demanding job during the week, it just doesn't happen. The real time with friends would be on the weekend but most weekends are spent at the cottage, even during hunting season. Sure, I could stay home from the cottage like I did this weekend, but then I find myself lonely for my up north friends, my sister in law whom I love dearly and of course my husband. So I guess I have to learn to be lonely before I can be alone again... all I know is it sucks more the second time around!
fe. It wasn't long before another lonely women (Diane) moved across the street and we quickly became friends and filled our alone time by spending time together. We were very compatible and she helped me through the death of my parents while I helped her through the breakup of her 7 year relationship with an out of state boyfriend. Fast forward to September, 2008 and once again, I am experiencing some of those same feelings. My kids are now 24 and 20 and although my son has lived away from home for a little over a year now, my daughter just moved out 4 weeks ago. At first I thought I was going to love all this extra time I would have because I wouldn't be a parent or a dog owner on a day to day basis, but alas, I find myself with the same feelings I had so many years ago. I no longer look foward to coming home from work, I dread the Thursday nights when my husband heads to the cottage without me because he works 4 days a week and I work 5 days. I went from having a little 7 lb black Chihuahua g
reet me at the door 7 days a week with puppy kisses to having her greet me at the door only one night a week... never thought I could fall so in love with a dog but I sure have. And of course for the most part, I only see my daughter one night a week instead of several and that is taking some time to get use to as well. Don't get me wrong, I miss my son too since he moved out but it is a different bond between a mother and a daughter then with a son. I'm close with both of my kids and have a wonderful open line of communication with both of them but there is definitely a very special connection between my daughter and I, a connection that I am really missing these past weeks. I'm already feeling like I want to sell this house that is far too big for the two of us now and far too big for when it's just me which seems to be a lot lately. I long to be in something smaller and something closer to other people, instead of living in the country far away from the neighbors. I want to be able to sit on my porch and wave to someone walking by or yell over to a neighbor and say hi. You can't do that in the country. I feel like if maybe I lived in the city, I would see my friends more, work out more, maybe taking the photography class I've been wanting to take. And of course, hunting season is around the corner and any of you who know me well, know that I have a husband who is devoted hunter and that isn't something I would change about him. I knew that when I married him and have long ago accepted it. BUT, the thought of hunting season this year doesn't thrill me when I think about the two weeks he'll be gone to the cottage for hunting while I'll be coming home to an empty home in the country and the several 2-1/2 months of weekends he'll be up north hunting as well. You would think with all this extra time that I would be doing all sorts of projects and spending time with my friends but because I live at least 25 miles from all but one friend, and I have a very demanding job during the week, it just doesn't happen. The real time with friends would be on the weekend but most weekends are spent at the cottage, even during hunting season. Sure, I could stay home from the cottage like I did this weekend, but then I find myself lonely for my up north friends, my sister in law whom I love dearly and of course my husband. So I guess I have to learn to be lonely before I can be alone again... all I know is it sucks more the second time around!
2 comments:
Sweety, you made me cry. I didn't realize you were having such a time of it! I love your kids and can easily see how you miss them. I love the energy they bring to their cottage visits as well as holidays. And Mia is just a darling! Wish we lived closer and were able to spend more time together. Cottage and martinis this weekend? Luv u. j xoox
Hi Cheryl,
Wow, I didn't realize having an empty nest would feel so empty. My kids are a lot younger but now after reading your post, it makes me want to really hold on to these years I'll have with them. You did such a great job of raising your kids and you should be so proud of yourself. They are definitely a direct reflection of you and you turned out great. Move back to Ann Arbor girl so we can hang sometime! ~ Kathy
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